My New Year resolutions, no matter what year:
- Don’t make promises I can’t keep
- Remember to be nice to fools – they can’t help it
- Remember to be nice to zealots – even though they can’t be
- Always clean up after myself
- Do not clean up after others
- Don’t get angry
- Don’t get even
- Be relaxed
- Find what it is that actually relaxes me
- Get a hobby
- Lose weight
- Eat properly
- Do some fucking exercise
- Laugh at my own stupid sense of humour
- Understand that next to no-one else finds it funny
- Save some money
- Stop spending money like a millionaire, or water
- Accept the lists aren’t the best way to communicate
- Don’t take things so seriously, others don’t
- Don’t sweat the small detail ( this one could also be for my bride )
- Slow down on the excessive personal grooming
- Don’t sweat over the complete lack of personal grooming in others
- Understand that being a racist, homophobic slob guts might be the norm
- Find out what unaustralian ( insert your country here ) actually means
- Discover the meaning of life
- Accept the decision of the American people
- Re-evaluate my investment portfolio based on that decision
- Join in when asked
- Remove myself when asked
- Don’t do everything everyone asks me to do
- Don’t laugh at the misfortune or beliefs of others, even if they are the same thing.
- Don’t be alarmed when a doctor sections me after reading this list
